Full Disclosure: While names have been changed, these stories are depressingly and hilariously true.

“Nothing makes us more vulnerable than loneliness, except greed.” Thomas Harris

My friend, Jim Adams, the Technical Recruiter in Manhattan, recently placed woman, whom I will call Mary, with a Texas based financial firm which was opening a branch in New York. They needed computer techs to set up their online accounting and payroll systems. Mary had submitted a resume to Jim’s firm and Jim thought she would be a good fit. She had the right skill set and experience in related jobs so she was asked to come in for an interview.

One wouldn’t say that Mary had an engaging personality. She tended to not look a person in the eye and would give rather curt answers instead of trying to be friendly. She wasn’t going to win a Miss Congeniality award, but that is the way a lot of tech people are. The Texas people wanted her for her computer skills, not her conversation. It was to be a six month contract, with an option for an extension after the six months; maybe Mary would come out of her shell by then. The bottom line was: she had the tools to get done what the company wanted done. That was all Jim really needed to know.

However, things have a way of not being that simple.

Two days after Mary started, Jim received a call from her. It sounded like she had been crying. Jim thought maybe a family member had died and she had to take time off for the funeral or that she had been mistreated in some way at her new job, perhaps been the target of harassment. Things like that had happened before.

Jim asked her what was wrong.

Her response: “No one will be friends with me.”

Jim’s response was something along the lines of “Excuse me?”

I don’t know how a person is supposed to respond to that. That is literally something a child would say to mommy and daddy after his or her first day of kindergarten. And they would probably tell her pretty much the same thing Jim told Mary.

“It’s only been two days, it takes time to get to know people; it takes time for them to get to know you. Just do your work and everything will be fine.”

Of course Mary was in her thirties.

About two weeks later she was fired. Apparently, she had not taken Jim’s advice and was not getting her work done. She had sort of latched on to another woman in the office and was pestering her to the point where the woman complained to her manager.

They had to say goodbye to Mary.

It’s amazing how people will do things that have the opposite effect from what was intended. Mary wanted a job and friends but her behavior resulted in her getting neither. If she had just done her job and been friendly and helpful to her coworkers, everything would have worked out fine. That type of behavior has to be, on a subconscious level, deliberate. There are some people who just do not want to be happy and so they make decisions to get what they want.

After all, companies are made up of people with their own pathologies and insecurities and it can be hard to cope with loneliness and anxiety and also perform one’s job. However, there can only be so much sympathy.

It boils down to: you just come to work and do your goddamn job? Just do what they are asking you to do, the tasks for which you are being paid and let everything work itself out. If you end up making friends at work, great. If not, join a book club or a running group or something. I don’t think work is supposed to provide a person with every emotional and social support they need.

1. Respect Boundaries: maintaining boundaries is one of the hallmarks of professionalism. When those are violated it is very hard to go back. If you go out and drunk with coworkers and reveal personal details or badmouth people, that toothpaste is out of the tube.

2. Having a best friend at work is great but you want to be careful about alienating other people. It seem clicky and childish. Also, you have to be honest with yourself about how far your loyalty goes. Your besties’ behavior may reflect on you. Are you willing to lose your job for protecting a friend?

3. You need to be careful what you say to whom. A so called friend can repeat something you said in confidence and make you look bad. Gossip in general is something to avoid. Of course, who knows a workplace without gossip? It is really fun but it can come back to bite you.

4. Only hanging out with people is not healthy. You need a break, an outside perspective, a broad social circle. What if one of your friends or, god forbid, you, loses your job? What happens to the friendship?